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How your heart heals?

By January 25, 2020September 26th, 2020Marriages

When you are hurt, someone close to betrays your heart, it is like they have stabbed you. Stabbed you in your spirit and heart. It is a spiritual and heart wound. These wounds heal differently.

For your heart to heal, first you must forgive the person for what they did to you. Forgive doesn’t mean forget. Forgive doesn’t mean reconcile. It means you release them from the ugly that they did to you. It doesn’t change the scar or the consequences of what they have done. You forgive them for what they did to your heart. To you. To us. It is unconditional and very intentional. It needs to be said out loud and if you can, to the person.

Second for your heart to heal you have to let it bleed. That means grieve what they did to you. Exhale. Cry. Get the grief out. Flow it out of you. It helps to make a noise while you are exhaling. Imagine the knife they stabbed your heart with. Pull out the knife and where the knife was, let your heart bleed. Grief is meant to be expressed. But if we don’t have a safe place to expose the wound and heal, we won’t bleed.

Third. Continue to bleed. Grieving will lead to an awareness of peace that you have always had. The pain was too much to be able to feel the peace. The peace has always been there. Rest in the peace. What they did to you does not say who you are. It says more about who they are. Let the peace flow into your mind as you continue to grieve. The peace will begin to control you. Deeper breathes will lead to the peace spreading. It will lead to rest. Strength. And a quiet sense of joy. I am still alive. I still am who I am.

Fourth. Seek to reconcile. If the person owns what they did to you, owns the damage to your heart, your heart will begin to reconcile with the person. If they don’t own it, your heart will not reconcile. Your mind might, your feelings might but your heart won’t. If they do own it, your heart will reconcile. Your mind and emotions and will might not. But your heart will be moving toward the person as they grow into your wound. Don’t expect a man to understand a woman’s heart wound. He can eventually grow into it but he will not understand how he wounded you.

Fifth. Release the joy when it rises. Sometimes it is a song, laughter or even a dance. Let the joy flow through you. It might happen with the person or without the person. The goal is to get where you don’t NEED the person but you want them. Need always kills love. Won’t let it grow.

Sixth. Help someone else through this process. That is the only way you will grow past the wound and not let the ugly thing that they did determine who you are.

Dr. Rod Stodgil